WHICH ‘SINGLE MOMS’ I AM TALKING TO
Firstly,
let me start by saying that I am not talking to moms who have broken up with
their baby’s or babies’ dad but still get the man’s support. I am also not
speaking to moms who have a strong support system due to their families. I am speaking
to women who hold down their children and household on their own with very
little or no assistance. I have been a single mom for the past nine years due to my children's father murder, so trust me when I say I am talking from experience.
JUST
A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE THINGS WE GO THROUGH
I am talking to those single moms who are
using their resources in an effort to make their kids’ lives better while still
trying to upgrade their status and we all know that resources is not an unlimited
thing.
I am talking to those single moms that
cannot even upgrade in terms of purchasing items that can add to their assets
because they are so busy spending every red cent on their kids and paying bills in
order to maintain the family's lifestyle.
I am talking to those single moms that
leave themselves undone to ensure that their off springs have what is needed
for their wholistic development.
I am talking to those moms who find a way
to do it without money. For example, those moms that will earnestly try to give those extra
lessons and pick up the role of teacher because they don’t have the funds to
pay for extra classes.
I am talking to those moms that will fill
up her kids’ plate after she is done cooking but there is little or none left
for her to eat.
I am talking to those moms who at times have
to leave their kids at home and you are worried but you have to go since you
have responsibilities to fulfil. For example, going to work while school is out
due to vacation and the older child has to watch the younger ones. This list
can go on and on…..
There
is a statement that one’s works will always be rewarded. I advise you that when
those moments of giving up pop up in your mind, choose to remember the vision
in your heart, that keeps you going. Supermoms, I implore you not to get weary. I
said not to get weary as it is very exhausting. The following excerpt was taken
from https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting.
“You
don’t have a minute to breathe,” says Nedd, who understands the threat of burnout
first-hand. Burnout is the most common adverse mental effect for all parents
and can be particularly problematic for single parents who face the many
pressures of parenting largely alone, says Colleen Kraft, M.D., senior medical
director of clinical adoption at Cognoa. “Symptoms include fatigue, both
physical and mental, as well as a lack of interest in doing anything, even
those activities that you enjoy, and a lack of desire to interact with anyone,”
she says. “Left untreated, burnout can lead to depression and anxiety.”
MY
EXPERIENCES
Inclusive
of some of those experiences above, I recall looking at my friends’ social
media posts and in my mind, I would be saying, "I am missing out." Sometimes
friends would call me to socialize and my response would be no because that money I
will have to spend on a new outfit or getting my hair done could be spent on
something that my children probably needed. Probably that same money could be saved to
go towards a house reno or something else that would benefit my kids and I. In
the process of making these sacrifices you can become depressed, lose drive for
your passions and neglect self. This feeling of depression, no drive for your passions, no energy for the expression of self love is sometimes called the single parent burn out. This feeling my comrades, is very real.
Single
moms not only have the issue of financial burdens but bringing up their kids mentally,
emotionally and spiritually well rounded and note that we moms have to groom boys into
well rounded men while being a woman.
MY ADVICE ON RAISING A SON
I
know a lot of single moms worry about raising a boy child on their own and
maintaining that right balance. It is my belief that in the pre-teen and teen years
your sons should have exemplary males around him. These males can be a pastor,
a sports coach, etcetera. My son has been fortunate to have excellent football
coaches that do not focus only on the sport but developing wholistic young men.
At this moment while I am writing this, his lessons teacher’s husband is currently giving him
manual driving lessons. Some months before that, he received automatic lessons from his uncle. However, I
implore you to pay much attention to the men around your sons as they could be
sexual predators. You cannot trust everyone that present themselves as a role
model. Trust your maternal instincts, observe and practice good sense in
choosing suitable environments where there are older males for your son to
flourish.
MY
DAUGHTER
As
a mother it is a bit easier to raise your daughter. My only concern was her learning
how a man should treat a woman seeing that there were no examples living in the
household. I chose not to have a partner since relationships take energy and I wanted
my energy for my kids and myself. Personally, I didn’t see the sense of putting
energy into something that you are not sure of (a relationship) when my energy already had to be
dispersed amongst other factors. In addition to that, I am working on self-healing
before even entertaining the idea of a relationship. However, I try my best to
communicate about life issues with my daughter and I also talk about my
experiences with her. To make things interesting we watch short life role play
clippings on YouTube and have discussions on the story. I also enforce the fact that
raising a family alone is not the best way so be wise in choosing a partner. I express
the power of becoming a complete individual in order to attract a complete
partner.
WHETHER
BOY OR GIRL
Communication
is essential for growing healthy children into adults. Yes, I know after a busy
day we come home tired but it is important to make time for one on one
conversations with your kids and family time. Make that effort to initiate
conversation. I notice the time when my son talks about his personal life is
when I sit with him while he studies. On the other hand, my daughter talks
while I am driving or sitting with her in bed.
I
also recommend praying with your kids, sharing spiritual experiences so that
they will grow knowing that they can connect to a higher force for guidance, a
higher force which exists in and outside of them. Also, try getting them in extracurricular activities for the development of talents, sports and other skills. If finances cannot afford this, stick to the basics (education) and work diligently on fostering a good relationship with your kids.
GENERAL
OBSERVATIONS
A
lot of times I see single women getting into relationships thinking they cannot do parenting on their own but sometimes these women select partners that make home living extremely uncomfortable for their children. Imagine already entering a relationship unhealed and incomplete, then getting into a situation that will make matters worse. My
dear, if you are unhappy in your relationship, how do you expect your children
to be happy? This is a recipe for disaster! My advice to you is to remain single until you are sure.
Also,
we single mothers need to understand that there may be times in our lives where we are not able to enjoy life to the fullest but however, still get in some me time. Do you remember the following statement? All work and no play makes Jack, oh
no, I meant Jane a dull girl. Balance is important. The little enjoyment is the oil
needed to keep our engines running.
I know this particular post is about single mothers but I want to share some love to the single fathers who have been doing it on their own. I could only imagine the challenges of a man bringing up his daughter especially in those teenage years. I salute and honor your efforts.
Again,
I implore you, do not get tired of your good work for every work has its reward
and good works lead to good rewards.
As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life.
Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal @keturahgamba
I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba
