What Do You Think Give Women Their Value?

 

Sometimes we women put ourselves in situations or continually practice self-destroying behaviors that does not add value to our being. When I say value: are our lives, personality, mentality, emotions, improving? Or is it a continuous downward spiral?  Life is not going to be a bed of roses or no challenges to be encountered but overall, if you look at your life five years prior and compare it to now, have you improved in any way? These improvements whether big or small is what gives us value. I said it! There are high value people and low value people. Please note that this value is not premised on the amount of money in your bank account or the type of car you drive or how beautiful you are but this value is something that starts mentally and is eventually reflected in your physical world. I have been asking my self this question for the past few days: “Keturah, how much do you value yourself? This blog is specific to women, there are certain things that gives us value! Let me name a few below:

Investing in yourself- you can invest in yourself in various ways. This can be done via educating yourself. This does not have to be formal knowledge only such as a degree or masters (have you ever seen an ‘educated fool’?) but reading books that will assist in your personal, mental, emotional and spiritual growth. Investing in your inherent talents is important. Investing in that business idea you always had after proper planning and evaluating. Allowing people to invest in you is also important because most people would not invest in something if it's not worth it.

Choosing your company wisely- the people you associate with can either add value to you or take it away. It’s a fact! Have you ever been in the company of individuals and you felt as if it was a total waste of your time and energy or a waste of your resources? I believe that one should associate with people that you can learn from. Anything can be learnt from anyone or any situation, there are lessons in everything if you observe carefully. I have personally learned lessons in places where people wouldn’t expect me to be. I have learned lessons on the streets/ the block, from older women who lived promiscuous lives not because they wanted to but that was how they survived. You put me anywhere and trust me, I am going to learn something! Nevertheless, the real point that I am making here is that your core friends/ associates will definitely influence the trajectory of your life so it is very important to choose your core wisely. 

This point is very important! The men you choose can either add or lessen your value and this is true on so many different levels!

Level One: I have seen people enter relationships and were drained emotionally or financially. One of the most obvious signs to tell when a woman is unhappy in a relationship is if that woman physically looked better before that relationship and then she looks a horrid mess while in the relationship. Most of the times when you see this, she is being drained and this lessens her value. Her value is not lessened because of the outside world's observation about her but because of how she perceives herself. If you value yourself, would you stay in a relationship that drains you?

Level Two: I have seen women be lenient with men’s actions that is unacceptable and they do this in the name of love or do this in the hope of a better future with the man. This my dear is taking away from your value. It takes away in the sense that you accept behavior that is below the standard that you have set for yourself or what you think you are worthy of or what would make you happy. If I see something that disturbs me I speak about it. If the action doesn’t change I have no choice but to act accordingly. I don’t believe on waiting for men to do right by you, if they know your value they will do right by you. Why tolerate someone that does not appreciate or know your value. When you tolerate unacceptable behavior, you devalue yourself as a woman. I believe in loving yourself before loving anybody else.

Level Three: Most of the times, when a man is genuinely into you, they invest in you (this is not only financially). They invest their time, efforts, they try figuring out solutions to your problems, they invest their resources and the list goes on and on. Please know, that women also invest their energy and resources into a man they love, it is not a one-way street! But anytime, you notice that a man is not investing in you and you are giving out your energy to him my dear, you are devaluing yourself because this plainly says that you do not know your worth and will accept any shitty behavior. I said what I said, if you beg to differ please comment below.

There are other factors that adds value to a woman:

• The way she physically maintains herself
• The way she treats others
• She stands up for herself but with respect
• She sets goals and tries her best to achieve them
• She doesn’t compare herself to others but to her old self and understands that life is a work in        progress
• She understands that she is walking her own unique journey

Probably my list could go on and on. If you have any thoughts as to what makes a high value woman, please share in the comments section below.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

 

Finding That Place of Tranquility

Have you ever felt irritated or unbalanced? Let me rephrase, have you ever lost your place of calmness or peace?

We live in a world where you can be bombarded with obligations, responsibilities, everyday activities, worries, personal growth, work life, even unnecessary distractions and these things can take a toll on us at times. To make conditions worse, we are existing in a time of a death plague and this can be overwhelming for a lot of folks due to the fact that family and friends are dying all around us and this can bring about a state of unease. Basically, we are bombarded with life issues on a day to day basis. One of the major ways to combat this feeling is finding a place of peace and this place can vary depending on an individual’s belief system, spiritual life or how they have been cultured to think and live.

I am not here to pin point a specific route to knowing how to sustain that place of peace. That is for you to figure out since it is a personal endeavor. These are some examples of how I re-center myself:

Having a Sacred Space to Pray/Meditate

I believe in having a place in your home for praying and meditating without distractions. A place where you can be still and get into your own thoughts without any influence from outside factors. This place of meditation can have items that have intrinsic value to you or that connects with you as an individual. For example, I love lighting my candles, burning incense and sitting in silence. At times I take out my diary and write thoughts or just read a good old book like the BIBLE. As I said before, everyone has their way of doing things. I would love know how you meditate/pray.

Let me make it clear, that prayer and meditation, especially prayer, can be done anytime and anywhere. Prayer is not limited to a specific place but it is good to have that special place where you can connect with God, Allah, Spirit, the Universe, the Divinity or whatever you refer to that divine power as.

 

Being in Nature

 

Have you ever noticed that people feel energized after being in nature? I believe the reason is that we come from the earth and being around elements in their natural form help to recharge our energy. In addition to that, the quiet moment gives us the opportunity to think, recharge and connect to the divine energy force. Comment and let me know if you agree?

Being Around Your Tribe

The fact is that there are people that drain your energy. They refer to these people as energy vampires. Please note that there will be times where you have to share your energy with people to give them encouragement and hope but the time will come when you have to recharge and one of the best ways to do this is to be around people at your frequency or higher. People that make you laugh, people to share positive ideas, people with solutions to problems, people that light up your world when you are in their presence.

Doing things that you LOVE

Let us keep this one simple. Just do the things you love. If it means being in bed with your lover snuggling and making magic under the sheets, do that. If it means socializing, do that. If it means doing what you are passionate about, do that! This really keeps you energized and at a place of peace. Also note, that sometimes when doing what you love it takes hard work but the results yields to satisfaction, accomplishment and being in a calm space.

As I said before, the way someone finds their peace may be totally different to how someone else does it. Nevertheless, the issues of life make it a requirement to find that space of tranquil.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Small Hacks to Vibrate Higher

 

When last you had one of those days? You know the type of days where things are not going how you would like it. Efforts are being made to get a particular goal started or a project done and there seems to be little or no progress. Imagine having a few of those days in a row or having those type of days month after month. Sometimes we have a specific agenda to fulfil and oh boy, there are multiple challenges and your vibrational level just go on a downward spiral but this is my advice to you.  You cannot allow one disappointing outcome to influence your entire outlook of everything else that exist in your life. Have you ever noticed that when energy is placed on one negative outcome, it tends to start a trend for other undesirable events? In a lot of cases, the proceeding undesirable events are not even that bad, it is just our perspective on the situation. Pay attention to this quote because it makes a big difference

“It has nothing to do with the day but your perspective on the day. Have the eye to see the positive”

Let’s imagine a rainy day. I could complain about the rain or make a choice to dance in the same rain. Also, I can have some challenges but focus on what is positive while planning strategies to eradicate my challenges. It is very important to note that some challenges are not eliminated in one night. Some of them takes time. So, in the meanwhile, I suggest that you focus on the positives and find some ways to vent and build positive energy. Look at the picture below. It summarizes a list of things that can be done to make you feel better through your hardships. I am not going to explain the picture, it speaks for itself. I want you to remember it is your duty to vibrate higher.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

Single Moms Don't Get Weary

 

WHICH ‘SINGLE MOMS’ I AM TALKING TO

Firstly, let me start by saying that I am not talking to moms who have broken up with their baby’s or babies’ dad but still get the man’s support. I am also not speaking to moms who have a strong support system due to their families. I am speaking to women who hold down their children and household on their own with very little or no assistance. I have been a single mom for the past nine years due to my children's father murder, so trust me when I say I am talking from experience. 

JUST A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE THINGS WE GO THROUGH

   I am talking to those single moms who are using their resources in an effort to make their kids’ lives better while still trying to upgrade their status and we all know that resources is not an unlimited thing.

    I am talking to those single moms that cannot even upgrade in terms of purchasing items that can add to their assets because they are so busy spending every red cent on their kids and paying bills in order to maintain the family's lifestyle.  

   I am talking to those single moms that leave themselves undone to ensure that their off springs have what is needed for their wholistic development.

   I am talking to those moms who find a way to do it without money. For example, those moms that will earnestly try to give those extra lessons and pick up the role of teacher because they don’t have the funds to pay for extra classes.

   I am talking to those moms that will fill up her kids’ plate after she is done cooking but there is little or none left for her to eat.

   I am talking to those moms who at times have to leave their kids at home and you are worried but you have to go since you have responsibilities to fulfil. For example, going to work while school is out due to vacation and the older child has to watch the younger ones. This list can go on and on…..

There is a statement that one’s works will always be rewarded. I advise you that when those moments of giving up pop up in your mind, choose to remember the vision in your heart, that keeps you going. Supermoms, I implore you not to get weary. I said not to get weary as it is very exhausting. The following excerpt was taken from https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting.

“You don’t have a minute to breathe,” says Nedd, who understands the threat of burnout first-hand. Burnout is the most common adverse mental effect for all parents and can be particularly problematic for single parents who face the many pressures of parenting largely alone, says Colleen Kraft, M.D., senior medical director of clinical adoption at Cognoa. “Symptoms include fatigue, both physical and mental, as well as a lack of interest in doing anything, even those activities that you enjoy, and a lack of desire to interact with anyone,” she says. “Left untreated, burnout can lead to depression and anxiety.”

MY EXPERIENCES

Inclusive of some of those experiences above, I recall looking at my friends’ social media posts and in my mind, I would be saying, "I am missing out." Sometimes friends would call me to socialize and my response would be no because that money I will have to spend on a new outfit or getting my hair done could be spent on something that my children probably needed. Probably that same money could be saved to go towards a house reno or something else that would benefit my kids and I. In the process of making these sacrifices you can become depressed, lose drive for your passions and neglect self. This feeling of depression, no drive for your passions, no energy for the expression of self love is sometimes called the single parent burn out. This feeling my comrades, is very real.

Single moms not only have the issue of financial burdens but bringing up their kids mentally, emotionally and spiritually well rounded and note that we moms have to groom boys into well rounded men while being a woman.

 MY ADVICE ON RAISING A SON

I know a lot of single moms worry about raising a boy child on their own and maintaining that right balance. It is my belief that in the pre-teen and teen years your sons should have exemplary males around him. These males can be a pastor, a sports coach, etcetera. My son has been fortunate to have excellent football coaches that do not focus only on the sport but developing wholistic young men. At this moment while I am writing this, his lessons teacher’s husband is currently giving him manual driving lessons. Some months before that, he received automatic lessons from his uncle. However, I implore you to pay much attention to the men around your sons as they could be sexual predators. You cannot trust everyone that present themselves as a role model. Trust your maternal instincts, observe and practice good sense in choosing suitable environments where there are older males for your son to flourish.

MY DAUGHTER

As a mother it is a bit easier to raise your daughter. My only concern was her learning how a man should treat a woman seeing that there were no examples living in the household. I chose not to have a partner since relationships take energy and I wanted my energy for my kids and myself. Personally, I didn’t see the sense of putting energy into something that you are not sure of (a relationship) when my energy already had to be dispersed amongst other factors. In addition to that, I am working on self-healing before even entertaining the idea of a relationship. However, I try my best to communicate about life issues with my daughter and I also talk about my experiences with her. To make things interesting we watch short life role play clippings on YouTube and have discussions on the story. I also enforce the fact that raising a family alone is not the best way so be wise in choosing a partner. I express the power of becoming a complete individual in order to attract a complete partner.

WHETHER BOY OR GIRL

Communication is essential for growing healthy children into adults. Yes, I know after a busy day we come home tired but it is important to make time for one on one conversations with your kids and family time. Make that effort to initiate conversation. I notice the time when my son talks about his personal life is when I sit with him while he studies. On the other hand, my daughter talks while I am driving or sitting with her in bed.

I also recommend praying with your kids, sharing spiritual experiences so that they will grow knowing that they can connect to a higher force for guidance, a higher force which exists in and outside of them. Also, try getting them in extracurricular activities for the development of talents, sports and other skills. If finances cannot afford this, stick to the basics (education) and work diligently on fostering a good relationship with your kids.

 

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS

A lot of times I see single women getting into relationships thinking they cannot do parenting on their own but sometimes these women select partners that make home living extremely uncomfortable for their children. Imagine already entering a relationship unhealed and incomplete, then getting into a situation that will make matters worse. My dear, if you are unhappy in your relationship, how do you expect your children to be happy? This is a recipe for disaster! My advice to you is to remain single until you are sure.

Also, we single mothers need to understand that there may be times in our lives where we are not able to enjoy life to the fullest but however, still get in some me time. Do you remember the following statement? All work and no play makes Jack, oh no, I meant Jane a dull girl. Balance is important. The little enjoyment is the oil needed to keep our engines running.

I know this particular post is about single mothers but I want to share some love to the single fathers who have been doing it on their own. I could only imagine the challenges of a man bringing up his daughter especially in those teenage years. I salute and honor your efforts.

Again, I implore you, do not get tired of your good work for every work has its reward and good works lead to good rewards.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

The Feeling

 

You fill every space,

The emptiness that the normal cannot achieve.

Compacted in union as one.

We don’t lack motion because much is not required.

We have ideal rhythm,

Where two identities are merged as a unit.

We are in sync.

Just the tiniest flicker of action,

Touches the most inner of my inner.

I feel you even in stillness

And I feel ecstatic in a milieu of action.

That feeling is immense that it touches my core, my soul.

Electricity flows through my entire body.

Are we dancing in a gentle wind sent directly from heaven?

Why is this? Is this magic?

It’s the magic of a connection!

My walls involuntarily lock around you,

Intensified feelings, more and more.

My feelings are charged.

My body, my emotions react.

It’s a natural flow of energy,

Back and Forth.

Teary eyes not due to solely pain

But the sweetest pleasure ever gained!

A pleasure that touches my soul within.

Keturah Gamba

 

It's Okay Not To Have It All!

 Quote

“You cannot be everything at one particular point in time. Don’t kill yourself by trying to spread yourself to thin”

Sometimes we try to be everything, pushing ourselves past limitations, being the best that we can possibly be but when doing this be realistic. We live in a world where people publish their accomplishments and happiest moments but they never post failures. They rarely make known the resources they had available to them. Few people speak about the things they would have gone through to reach where they are today. Then again, some people were born into wealth or situations where they have a greater advantage than the majority. Watching these things can make someone, who is already thinking they haven’t accomplished much, feel as they are not doing good enough or is less than but I have some questions for you:

 Are you trying your best?

Are you utilizing all the resources that is available to you to ensure growth?

Are you evolving your thinking?

Are you ridding bad habits?

Are you overcoming despite your circumstances?

Are you positively a different person compare to some years ago?

If the answers to those questions were yes, give yourself a round of applause!

I am doing this blog because I want to encourage those who are thinking that they are not doing enough. I implore you to consider your resources/ background and if you are doing the best with what you have available give yourself a pat on the back. On the other hand, don’t make excuses! You will know if you have put your best foot forward. The old folks have this saying, “let your conscience be your guide”

Sometimes when you think you are not doing enough, you foolishly overwork yourself and keep going around in circles. I want you to think about what I am going to say. Do you know that you can try too hard and still never reach anywhere? I suggest trying one thing at a time and give that one thing your all. When you have accomplished that one thing then move to the other. However, if you are capable of handling more than one endeavor, go right ahead.  

Sometimes we want to have it all but is that realistic? Let me give a personal example. I cannot be a devoted mother, employee of the year, a socialite, a musical artist, an investor and an extreme money saver all the same time. I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN! This means that prioritizing is the key. Do what is most needed at a particular point in time and put one hundred percent of your energy there. When dealing with a full plate, if one hundred percent focus is placed on one or a few things then there is the probability of the other things turning into a potential disaster. This now leaves us with the option of balancing things or for a better phrase, the application of time management. Time management can take you quite a long way.

It is important to notice the following. A lot of folks who have a great number of responsibilities and handle all well, seem to have a great support system. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Hence the reason why I try not to beat up on myself since I fight my battles all alone and I will continue to do so until the war is over.

In addition to above, please remember that not everyone is the same and that each of us has a unique lane to walk on. Once you are moving forward on your lane, give yourself some credit and feel good. You may not be at the ultimate end goal but there are a lot of small accomplishments that will lead you to the end goal. Once something has been accomplished, celebrate it, be grateful and keep pushing. Remember do not compare yourself to someone who is walking on a totally different lane to you. Nevertheless, we can observe another person’s journey for reference. We do not only learn from self-analyzation but by also observing others.

I have inserted this video below, please listen

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Video Credit: The Star youtube channel

 

 

Honey Don't Be A Fool

 

Have you ever noticed that woman? Oh yes, I have. She has everything going for her. She is on the path to her desired career, making her own money, seeing about her wellbeing, going towards her goals! I see that glow honey but then he comes along……

 

“I have seen women abandon their dreams to exist in the shadows of men who only care about themselves. Honey don’t be a fool!”

Keturah Gamba

 

The above already describes the scenario, as a result, I am only going to highlight the points that women should see in men and vice versa before entering a committed relationship:

Respect

It is so crucial for your partner to have respect for you but respect cannot be given unless it is earned. Have a partner who respects your beliefs and values.

Independence

You came into this world alone and most likely you will leave this world alone. Your partner must allow your independence since each individual has their own goals. You can never have individual fulfilment if you are walking in someone else’s shadow. Walk towards your light (dream) and cast your own shadow. It is also required of you to allow your partner to be independent and pursue their dreams. On the topic of independence it should be noted that independence should not lead to you abandoning each other but YOU ALL ARE STILL A TEAM!

 

Assisted Growth

As mentioned before, individuality is required but you all are a team. One partner should be able to motivate the other and provide an environment for the other to thrive. The growth of each partner helps the entire unit to be stronger. This brings us to the point of a shared future vision.

Share Your Future Vision

This is like wanting hot tea but it is being kept in the refrigerator or like ice cream being placed on a stove top. It is obvious that those two could never go hand in hand. There must be something in common that keeps the two of you together and that is the only way assisted growth can be attained.

Compromise

Compromise can only happen when you understand each other or have the ability to empathize. The ability to walk in your partner’s shoe is important because this will give you an idea of the way they see things through their lens. This leads to better team decision making and coming to agreements that may be satisfying for both partners rather than one

Honesty/ Trust

Who wants to have a future with someone that cannot be honest? Honesty leads to trust. It is always a beautiful thing to know that you can take someone’s word when they say something. It may not be what you would like to hear all the time but it is better to know where things stand in a relationship. When this occurs, you would always know what are the things to work on.

Responsible

Be responsible for your actions and do not play the blame game. Also, take necessary actions to correct any error made.

Emotional Maturity /Intelligence

I see a lot of couples dwelling on issues that are not important because of the lack of emotional intelligence to ignore factors that are not important in a relationship. The capability to move past something is so important. Try not to make something out of nothing! DO NOT BRING PASS EXPERIENCES AND BAGGAGE INTO A RELATIONSHIP. LEARN FROM THE PAST, HEAL AND GROW.

The above are some qualities/ traits I thought about when allowing a potential partner into your life. Ladies, we cannot be one sided. The things that we expect from our partners we should also practise.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Photo credit: domesticviolenceinfo.ca/types-of-abuse