What Do You Think Give Women Their Value?

 

Sometimes we women put ourselves in situations or continually practice self-destroying behaviors that does not add value to our being. When I say value: are our lives, personality, mentality, emotions, improving? Or is it a continuous downward spiral?  Life is not going to be a bed of roses or no challenges to be encountered but overall, if you look at your life five years prior and compare it to now, have you improved in any way? These improvements whether big or small is what gives us value. I said it! There are high value people and low value people. Please note that this value is not premised on the amount of money in your bank account or the type of car you drive or how beautiful you are but this value is something that starts mentally and is eventually reflected in your physical world. I have been asking my self this question for the past few days: “Keturah, how much do you value yourself? This blog is specific to women, there are certain things that gives us value! Let me name a few below:

Investing in yourself- you can invest in yourself in various ways. This can be done via educating yourself. This does not have to be formal knowledge only such as a degree or masters (have you ever seen an ‘educated fool’?) but reading books that will assist in your personal, mental, emotional and spiritual growth. Investing in your inherent talents is important. Investing in that business idea you always had after proper planning and evaluating. Allowing people to invest in you is also important because most people would not invest in something if it's not worth it.

Choosing your company wisely- the people you associate with can either add value to you or take it away. It’s a fact! Have you ever been in the company of individuals and you felt as if it was a total waste of your time and energy or a waste of your resources? I believe that one should associate with people that you can learn from. Anything can be learnt from anyone or any situation, there are lessons in everything if you observe carefully. I have personally learned lessons in places where people wouldn’t expect me to be. I have learned lessons on the streets/ the block, from older women who lived promiscuous lives not because they wanted to but that was how they survived. You put me anywhere and trust me, I am going to learn something! Nevertheless, the real point that I am making here is that your core friends/ associates will definitely influence the trajectory of your life so it is very important to choose your core wisely. 

This point is very important! The men you choose can either add or lessen your value and this is true on so many different levels!

Level One: I have seen people enter relationships and were drained emotionally or financially. One of the most obvious signs to tell when a woman is unhappy in a relationship is if that woman physically looked better before that relationship and then she looks a horrid mess while in the relationship. Most of the times when you see this, she is being drained and this lessens her value. Her value is not lessened because of the outside world's observation about her but because of how she perceives herself. If you value yourself, would you stay in a relationship that drains you?

Level Two: I have seen women be lenient with men’s actions that is unacceptable and they do this in the name of love or do this in the hope of a better future with the man. This my dear is taking away from your value. It takes away in the sense that you accept behavior that is below the standard that you have set for yourself or what you think you are worthy of or what would make you happy. If I see something that disturbs me I speak about it. If the action doesn’t change I have no choice but to act accordingly. I don’t believe on waiting for men to do right by you, if they know your value they will do right by you. Why tolerate someone that does not appreciate or know your value. When you tolerate unacceptable behavior, you devalue yourself as a woman. I believe in loving yourself before loving anybody else.

Level Three: Most of the times, when a man is genuinely into you, they invest in you (this is not only financially). They invest their time, efforts, they try figuring out solutions to your problems, they invest their resources and the list goes on and on. Please know, that women also invest their energy and resources into a man they love, it is not a one-way street! But anytime, you notice that a man is not investing in you and you are giving out your energy to him my dear, you are devaluing yourself because this plainly says that you do not know your worth and will accept any shitty behavior. I said what I said, if you beg to differ please comment below.

There are other factors that adds value to a woman:

• The way she physically maintains herself
• The way she treats others
• She stands up for herself but with respect
• She sets goals and tries her best to achieve them
• She doesn’t compare herself to others but to her old self and understands that life is a work in        progress
• She understands that she is walking her own unique journey

Probably my list could go on and on. If you have any thoughts as to what makes a high value woman, please share in the comments section below.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

 

Finding That Place of Tranquility

Have you ever felt irritated or unbalanced? Let me rephrase, have you ever lost your place of calmness or peace?

We live in a world where you can be bombarded with obligations, responsibilities, everyday activities, worries, personal growth, work life, even unnecessary distractions and these things can take a toll on us at times. To make conditions worse, we are existing in a time of a death plague and this can be overwhelming for a lot of folks due to the fact that family and friends are dying all around us and this can bring about a state of unease. Basically, we are bombarded with life issues on a day to day basis. One of the major ways to combat this feeling is finding a place of peace and this place can vary depending on an individual’s belief system, spiritual life or how they have been cultured to think and live.

I am not here to pin point a specific route to knowing how to sustain that place of peace. That is for you to figure out since it is a personal endeavor. These are some examples of how I re-center myself:

Having a Sacred Space to Pray/Meditate

I believe in having a place in your home for praying and meditating without distractions. A place where you can be still and get into your own thoughts without any influence from outside factors. This place of meditation can have items that have intrinsic value to you or that connects with you as an individual. For example, I love lighting my candles, burning incense and sitting in silence. At times I take out my diary and write thoughts or just read a good old book like the BIBLE. As I said before, everyone has their way of doing things. I would love know how you meditate/pray.

Let me make it clear, that prayer and meditation, especially prayer, can be done anytime and anywhere. Prayer is not limited to a specific place but it is good to have that special place where you can connect with God, Allah, Spirit, the Universe, the Divinity or whatever you refer to that divine power as.

 

Being in Nature

 

Have you ever noticed that people feel energized after being in nature? I believe the reason is that we come from the earth and being around elements in their natural form help to recharge our energy. In addition to that, the quiet moment gives us the opportunity to think, recharge and connect to the divine energy force. Comment and let me know if you agree?

Being Around Your Tribe

The fact is that there are people that drain your energy. They refer to these people as energy vampires. Please note that there will be times where you have to share your energy with people to give them encouragement and hope but the time will come when you have to recharge and one of the best ways to do this is to be around people at your frequency or higher. People that make you laugh, people to share positive ideas, people with solutions to problems, people that light up your world when you are in their presence.

Doing things that you LOVE

Let us keep this one simple. Just do the things you love. If it means being in bed with your lover snuggling and making magic under the sheets, do that. If it means socializing, do that. If it means doing what you are passionate about, do that! This really keeps you energized and at a place of peace. Also note, that sometimes when doing what you love it takes hard work but the results yields to satisfaction, accomplishment and being in a calm space.

As I said before, the way someone finds their peace may be totally different to how someone else does it. Nevertheless, the issues of life make it a requirement to find that space of tranquil.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Small Hacks to Vibrate Higher

 

When last you had one of those days? You know the type of days where things are not going how you would like it. Efforts are being made to get a particular goal started or a project done and there seems to be little or no progress. Imagine having a few of those days in a row or having those type of days month after month. Sometimes we have a specific agenda to fulfil and oh boy, there are multiple challenges and your vibrational level just go on a downward spiral but this is my advice to you.  You cannot allow one disappointing outcome to influence your entire outlook of everything else that exist in your life. Have you ever noticed that when energy is placed on one negative outcome, it tends to start a trend for other undesirable events? In a lot of cases, the proceeding undesirable events are not even that bad, it is just our perspective on the situation. Pay attention to this quote because it makes a big difference

“It has nothing to do with the day but your perspective on the day. Have the eye to see the positive”

Let’s imagine a rainy day. I could complain about the rain or make a choice to dance in the same rain. Also, I can have some challenges but focus on what is positive while planning strategies to eradicate my challenges. It is very important to note that some challenges are not eliminated in one night. Some of them takes time. So, in the meanwhile, I suggest that you focus on the positives and find some ways to vent and build positive energy. Look at the picture below. It summarizes a list of things that can be done to make you feel better through your hardships. I am not going to explain the picture, it speaks for itself. I want you to remember it is your duty to vibrate higher.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

Single Moms Don't Get Weary

 

WHICH ‘SINGLE MOMS’ I AM TALKING TO

Firstly, let me start by saying that I am not talking to moms who have broken up with their baby’s or babies’ dad but still get the man’s support. I am also not speaking to moms who have a strong support system due to their families. I am speaking to women who hold down their children and household on their own with very little or no assistance. I have been a single mom for the past nine years due to my children's father murder, so trust me when I say I am talking from experience. 

JUST A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE THINGS WE GO THROUGH

   I am talking to those single moms who are using their resources in an effort to make their kids’ lives better while still trying to upgrade their status and we all know that resources is not an unlimited thing.

    I am talking to those single moms that cannot even upgrade in terms of purchasing items that can add to their assets because they are so busy spending every red cent on their kids and paying bills in order to maintain the family's lifestyle.  

   I am talking to those single moms that leave themselves undone to ensure that their off springs have what is needed for their wholistic development.

   I am talking to those moms who find a way to do it without money. For example, those moms that will earnestly try to give those extra lessons and pick up the role of teacher because they don’t have the funds to pay for extra classes.

   I am talking to those moms that will fill up her kids’ plate after she is done cooking but there is little or none left for her to eat.

   I am talking to those moms who at times have to leave their kids at home and you are worried but you have to go since you have responsibilities to fulfil. For example, going to work while school is out due to vacation and the older child has to watch the younger ones. This list can go on and on…..

There is a statement that one’s works will always be rewarded. I advise you that when those moments of giving up pop up in your mind, choose to remember the vision in your heart, that keeps you going. Supermoms, I implore you not to get weary. I said not to get weary as it is very exhausting. The following excerpt was taken from https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting.

“You don’t have a minute to breathe,” says Nedd, who understands the threat of burnout first-hand. Burnout is the most common adverse mental effect for all parents and can be particularly problematic for single parents who face the many pressures of parenting largely alone, says Colleen Kraft, M.D., senior medical director of clinical adoption at Cognoa. “Symptoms include fatigue, both physical and mental, as well as a lack of interest in doing anything, even those activities that you enjoy, and a lack of desire to interact with anyone,” she says. “Left untreated, burnout can lead to depression and anxiety.”

MY EXPERIENCES

Inclusive of some of those experiences above, I recall looking at my friends’ social media posts and in my mind, I would be saying, "I am missing out." Sometimes friends would call me to socialize and my response would be no because that money I will have to spend on a new outfit or getting my hair done could be spent on something that my children probably needed. Probably that same money could be saved to go towards a house reno or something else that would benefit my kids and I. In the process of making these sacrifices you can become depressed, lose drive for your passions and neglect self. This feeling of depression, no drive for your passions, no energy for the expression of self love is sometimes called the single parent burn out. This feeling my comrades, is very real.

Single moms not only have the issue of financial burdens but bringing up their kids mentally, emotionally and spiritually well rounded and note that we moms have to groom boys into well rounded men while being a woman.

 MY ADVICE ON RAISING A SON

I know a lot of single moms worry about raising a boy child on their own and maintaining that right balance. It is my belief that in the pre-teen and teen years your sons should have exemplary males around him. These males can be a pastor, a sports coach, etcetera. My son has been fortunate to have excellent football coaches that do not focus only on the sport but developing wholistic young men. At this moment while I am writing this, his lessons teacher’s husband is currently giving him manual driving lessons. Some months before that, he received automatic lessons from his uncle. However, I implore you to pay much attention to the men around your sons as they could be sexual predators. You cannot trust everyone that present themselves as a role model. Trust your maternal instincts, observe and practice good sense in choosing suitable environments where there are older males for your son to flourish.

MY DAUGHTER

As a mother it is a bit easier to raise your daughter. My only concern was her learning how a man should treat a woman seeing that there were no examples living in the household. I chose not to have a partner since relationships take energy and I wanted my energy for my kids and myself. Personally, I didn’t see the sense of putting energy into something that you are not sure of (a relationship) when my energy already had to be dispersed amongst other factors. In addition to that, I am working on self-healing before even entertaining the idea of a relationship. However, I try my best to communicate about life issues with my daughter and I also talk about my experiences with her. To make things interesting we watch short life role play clippings on YouTube and have discussions on the story. I also enforce the fact that raising a family alone is not the best way so be wise in choosing a partner. I express the power of becoming a complete individual in order to attract a complete partner.

WHETHER BOY OR GIRL

Communication is essential for growing healthy children into adults. Yes, I know after a busy day we come home tired but it is important to make time for one on one conversations with your kids and family time. Make that effort to initiate conversation. I notice the time when my son talks about his personal life is when I sit with him while he studies. On the other hand, my daughter talks while I am driving or sitting with her in bed.

I also recommend praying with your kids, sharing spiritual experiences so that they will grow knowing that they can connect to a higher force for guidance, a higher force which exists in and outside of them. Also, try getting them in extracurricular activities for the development of talents, sports and other skills. If finances cannot afford this, stick to the basics (education) and work diligently on fostering a good relationship with your kids.

 

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS

A lot of times I see single women getting into relationships thinking they cannot do parenting on their own but sometimes these women select partners that make home living extremely uncomfortable for their children. Imagine already entering a relationship unhealed and incomplete, then getting into a situation that will make matters worse. My dear, if you are unhappy in your relationship, how do you expect your children to be happy? This is a recipe for disaster! My advice to you is to remain single until you are sure.

Also, we single mothers need to understand that there may be times in our lives where we are not able to enjoy life to the fullest but however, still get in some me time. Do you remember the following statement? All work and no play makes Jack, oh no, I meant Jane a dull girl. Balance is important. The little enjoyment is the oil needed to keep our engines running.

I know this particular post is about single mothers but I want to share some love to the single fathers who have been doing it on their own. I could only imagine the challenges of a man bringing up his daughter especially in those teenage years. I salute and honor your efforts.

Again, I implore you, do not get tired of your good work for every work has its reward and good works lead to good rewards.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

 

The Feeling

 

You fill every space,

The emptiness that the normal cannot achieve.

Compacted in union as one.

We don’t lack motion because much is not required.

We have ideal rhythm,

Where two identities are merged as a unit.

We are in sync.

Just the tiniest flicker of action,

Touches the most inner of my inner.

I feel you even in stillness

And I feel ecstatic in a milieu of action.

That feeling is immense that it touches my core, my soul.

Electricity flows through my entire body.

Are we dancing in a gentle wind sent directly from heaven?

Why is this? Is this magic?

It’s the magic of a connection!

My walls involuntarily lock around you,

Intensified feelings, more and more.

My feelings are charged.

My body, my emotions react.

It’s a natural flow of energy,

Back and Forth.

Teary eyes not due to solely pain

But the sweetest pleasure ever gained!

A pleasure that touches my soul within.

Keturah Gamba

 

It's Okay Not To Have It All!

 Quote

“You cannot be everything at one particular point in time. Don’t kill yourself by trying to spread yourself to thin”

Sometimes we try to be everything, pushing ourselves past limitations, being the best that we can possibly be but when doing this be realistic. We live in a world where people publish their accomplishments and happiest moments but they never post failures. They rarely make known the resources they had available to them. Few people speak about the things they would have gone through to reach where they are today. Then again, some people were born into wealth or situations where they have a greater advantage than the majority. Watching these things can make someone, who is already thinking they haven’t accomplished much, feel as they are not doing good enough or is less than but I have some questions for you:

 Are you trying your best?

Are you utilizing all the resources that is available to you to ensure growth?

Are you evolving your thinking?

Are you ridding bad habits?

Are you overcoming despite your circumstances?

Are you positively a different person compare to some years ago?

If the answers to those questions were yes, give yourself a round of applause!

I am doing this blog because I want to encourage those who are thinking that they are not doing enough. I implore you to consider your resources/ background and if you are doing the best with what you have available give yourself a pat on the back. On the other hand, don’t make excuses! You will know if you have put your best foot forward. The old folks have this saying, “let your conscience be your guide”

Sometimes when you think you are not doing enough, you foolishly overwork yourself and keep going around in circles. I want you to think about what I am going to say. Do you know that you can try too hard and still never reach anywhere? I suggest trying one thing at a time and give that one thing your all. When you have accomplished that one thing then move to the other. However, if you are capable of handling more than one endeavor, go right ahead.  

Sometimes we want to have it all but is that realistic? Let me give a personal example. I cannot be a devoted mother, employee of the year, a socialite, a musical artist, an investor and an extreme money saver all the same time. I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN! This means that prioritizing is the key. Do what is most needed at a particular point in time and put one hundred percent of your energy there. When dealing with a full plate, if one hundred percent focus is placed on one or a few things then there is the probability of the other things turning into a potential disaster. This now leaves us with the option of balancing things or for a better phrase, the application of time management. Time management can take you quite a long way.

It is important to notice the following. A lot of folks who have a great number of responsibilities and handle all well, seem to have a great support system. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. Hence the reason why I try not to beat up on myself since I fight my battles all alone and I will continue to do so until the war is over.

In addition to above, please remember that not everyone is the same and that each of us has a unique lane to walk on. Once you are moving forward on your lane, give yourself some credit and feel good. You may not be at the ultimate end goal but there are a lot of small accomplishments that will lead you to the end goal. Once something has been accomplished, celebrate it, be grateful and keep pushing. Remember do not compare yourself to someone who is walking on a totally different lane to you. Nevertheless, we can observe another person’s journey for reference. We do not only learn from self-analyzation but by also observing others.

I have inserted this video below, please listen

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Video Credit: The Star youtube channel

 

 

Honey Don't Be A Fool

 

Have you ever noticed that woman? Oh yes, I have. She has everything going for her. She is on the path to her desired career, making her own money, seeing about her wellbeing, going towards her goals! I see that glow honey but then he comes along……

 

“I have seen women abandon their dreams to exist in the shadows of men who only care about themselves. Honey don’t be a fool!”

Keturah Gamba

 

The above already describes the scenario, as a result, I am only going to highlight the points that women should see in men and vice versa before entering a committed relationship:

Respect

It is so crucial for your partner to have respect for you but respect cannot be given unless it is earned. Have a partner who respects your beliefs and values.

Independence

You came into this world alone and most likely you will leave this world alone. Your partner must allow your independence since each individual has their own goals. You can never have individual fulfilment if you are walking in someone else’s shadow. Walk towards your light (dream) and cast your own shadow. It is also required of you to allow your partner to be independent and pursue their dreams. On the topic of independence it should be noted that independence should not lead to you abandoning each other but YOU ALL ARE STILL A TEAM!

 

Assisted Growth

As mentioned before, individuality is required but you all are a team. One partner should be able to motivate the other and provide an environment for the other to thrive. The growth of each partner helps the entire unit to be stronger. This brings us to the point of a shared future vision.

Share Your Future Vision

This is like wanting hot tea but it is being kept in the refrigerator or like ice cream being placed on a stove top. It is obvious that those two could never go hand in hand. There must be something in common that keeps the two of you together and that is the only way assisted growth can be attained.

Compromise

Compromise can only happen when you understand each other or have the ability to empathize. The ability to walk in your partner’s shoe is important because this will give you an idea of the way they see things through their lens. This leads to better team decision making and coming to agreements that may be satisfying for both partners rather than one

Honesty/ Trust

Who wants to have a future with someone that cannot be honest? Honesty leads to trust. It is always a beautiful thing to know that you can take someone’s word when they say something. It may not be what you would like to hear all the time but it is better to know where things stand in a relationship. When this occurs, you would always know what are the things to work on.

Responsible

Be responsible for your actions and do not play the blame game. Also, take necessary actions to correct any error made.

Emotional Maturity /Intelligence

I see a lot of couples dwelling on issues that are not important because of the lack of emotional intelligence to ignore factors that are not important in a relationship. The capability to move past something is so important. Try not to make something out of nothing! DO NOT BRING PASS EXPERIENCES AND BAGGAGE INTO A RELATIONSHIP. LEARN FROM THE PAST, HEAL AND GROW.

The above are some qualities/ traits I thought about when allowing a potential partner into your life. Ladies, we cannot be one sided. The things that we expect from our partners we should also practise.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal  @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Photo credit: domesticviolenceinfo.ca/types-of-abuse

 

Pride

"Pride is one of the worst virtues someone can have especially when it exists as an attempt to validate an empty ego"

Keturah Gamba

I have not been around because..........

 

Oh My! I haven’t been here for a long time. I was busy working on a private business venture. My intention for that period of absence was to rebuild a dilapidated building that was once a church for my family and I to move into. I did this in order to be able to rent out my two-bedroom house which will generate an extra income. The building is still incomplete but I moved in anyhow, it is liveable and it feels like home, thank God! It is amazing how an incomplete building can feel so comfortable. When I say incomplete, I mean incomplete! I am walking on concrete floors, my bathroom is like a dungeon and I am looking directly at the aluzinc over my head. Nevertheless, I am out of my prior home and seeking a tenant. I shouldn’t say seeking as I have sourced a potential client already.

In that time of breaking down old walls and rebuilding, I have been doing the same with myself and is still in the process of doing so. The old spiritual folks have this saying: “As it is in the natural so it is in the spiritual.” From that time till now, I have been doing a lot of introspection and contemplating on where I would like to be as a person. What do I want to achieve? How do I make my dreams a reality? Where do I see myself spiritually? What educational pursuits I would like to carry out? Am I doing what it takes for me to reach there? Am I providing my children with the tools they need to aspire towards their goals? Am I truly walking my path without being influenced by the outside world? What habits are preventing me from moving forward? I believe I am ready to find my calling but to do this I must know and understand myself. In addition, I must not ponder on what others think of me.

This brings me to the point of why I am sharing a blog as boring as this with you. I am sharing this because I think the above questions are the kind that every human being needs to ask themselves if they have intentions of evolving or becoming.

Also, I am in the process of unlearning what I was taught via religion and morals that were passed down from generation to generation. The majority of things that we learn or was taught yields stagnancy or lack of growth. We are lost in this world if we are not living the life that was meant for us. We know we are living the life meant for us if the things we do align with our character, personal traits and talents. Please note that being successful does not necessarily mean you are living the life you were meant to live. At end of the day, our daily actions should lead to a life of personal fulfilment. Too many times I see people with dreams but the dreams do not belong to them. The dreams were either germinated by someone else’s idea or something they saw on social media or whatever influencers exist around them. I do not want to walk my journey thinking this seems as the next right thing to do because it is the in-thing but to do the thing that is best suited for me whether it may be unpopular. Writing that last sentence, reminded me of this quote:

“They laugh at me because I am different but I laugh at them because they are all the same”

It is crucial for me to say that sometimes it takes a while to find that calling. In the meanwhile, keep doing your best, rid bad habits and keeping peeling the layers till you get to the core of who you are. This is what I intend to do to attain my future achievements and to reach that point of self-actualization.

I want to choose the path that is meant for me by the creating force. How do you know your path? The answer is intuition and intuition can only be heard when the mind is clear, you are in the present and there is a vision written in your heart. There must be no baggage from the past and no anxiety about the future. You know intuition is there when you are extremely confident that your goal is going to happen but feel no anxiety about it. Imagine going through life knowing that all will be well even though obstacles will come. Intuition is often backed up by signs, messages or things that confirm the intuition. It is important to remember that the creating force will choose the route you must take to reach to that destination, don’t force things, flow into your vision naturally but remember you must put in your work. Intuition takes you from one stage to the other. It can be compared to climbing a ladder and every height you elevate to on that ladder is a different stage or accomplishment in your life until your life's journey is completed.

I just wanted to share my thoughts and a few factors in my process to finding the authentic me. In the future look out for a few of my quotes that I will be posting.

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal        @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Don't Despise The Stages Before You Turn Into A Butterfly

Have you ever noticed the earlier stages of the butterfly? Eggs are laid, then there is the caterpillar, followed by the chrysalis. The caterpillar phase entails a lot of eating. The newborn caterpillar starts by eating its very own egg shell and then goes on to eat as much leaves as possible. It is said that they usually grow one hundred times more in size compared to the time they emerged from the egg. The eating is necessary to prepare it for its next stage. It has gathered every bit of energy needed due to excessive eating to last for the time it is in the chrysalis form.

The chrysalis forms when the caterpillar’s skin is shed and a hard layer is formed around the body (pupa) to protect it from the outside. In that phase this is where all the transformation takes place.

My life experiences can be compared to the caterpillar phase. This is where we live and our experiences are stored as data in our mind. This data, whether it was collected from good or bad experiences, is needed to move forward in the direction we intend to go. The irony is that some of us never learn from our life experiences and we find ourselves spinning in circles and not reaching a desired destination. The fact of the matter is that our experiences should be seen as food eaten to be processed when we are in our 'chrysalis' phase. 

The ‘chrysalis’ of our life is that phase where we analyze what we have been through, things that we have learnt along the way and put things into perspective for better future decision making. This is the phase where we get our act together. This is the period where goals are set and we carefully analyze how to get there. This is the time of truth and self acceptance.  This the time where transformation takes place! This is where you turn into a beautiful butterfly.

In the butterfly phase, our beauty can be seen (I am not referring to physical beauty), eggs are laid. For us humans, I will say our fruits are shown and our fruits can be a blessing to others. This phase can also represent a time of multiplication or increase. It can also be a time where we act with intent and not live our lives randomly. It is a time where our actions have purpose or lead to specific goals. It is that time where we are our true selves with no intent of being people pleasers but satisfying our inner calling. It is that time to be the authentic you.

In essence, embrace your phases and mentally process your experiences the correct way. We might just end up transforming into a beautiful butterfly!

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_trini_gyal        @keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my facebook fanpage @keturahgamba

Keturah as an Artist

If you guys did not know I am an artist. I started singing in 2015. My first song was a cover of Anita Baker's Sweet Love. I have done a few songs after that cover. Some of the songs listed below were written by other writers (credits wil be given above the songs)

There are definite future plans to bring new music to the market for you to enjoy.  When you click on the videos you will see that I do different genres and I will continue to do different genres. I have no plans to limit myself to a specific genre. It is expected to see a Trinidadian performing soca but I beg to differ which is visible in my music.

Click on the videos and links below and feel free to comment and share!

Sweet Love Cover 2015 produced by Pengco Music

Lonely 2015 Produced by Pengco Music

Like Sinatra 2016 Produced and Written by Pengco Music

Vendetta 2017 Produced and Written by Pengco Music

You Belong To Me 2017 Produced by Tuff Nut Studios

Lose Control 2018 Produced by Badjohn Republic Written by Keegan Taylor

I Am Woman 2018 Produced by Anthony Woodroffe Snr.

Target 2018 Produced and Written by Aaron Outlaw Music 

Wine Up 2019 Produced by WMG Lab

Feel It Produced by CNMG Records

#nowplaying Feel It by Keturah Gamba via @audiomack https://audiomack.com/cmmgrecords/song/feel-it

Check out the link below ⬇️⬇️⬇️

https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/keturah-gamba/id1038931857

A Single Sis Talking About Wholeness

I believe what I am going to say, everyone probably knows but see this as a reminder.

If you think that prince charming or Joan of arc is going to come and sweep you off your feet think again! Because there is the great possibility that your new hero is going to be wonderful in some ways and messed up in others (no one is perfect). 

We keep looking for that one to make our lives better. If you are unhappy with yourself when you are single getting a partner will not make much of a difference, most likely you will still be unhappy. You might even have the power to turn your partner into a sad sour puss also. Do you know that people’s behaviour rub off on each other? Birds flock with birds, drunks lime with drunks, scholars associate with other scholars, musicians link with other musicians and the list goes on and on. 

I am not saying to live your life without partnership but be a whole person that seeks another whole person. If you are an half empty glass and your partner is full, you  are going to start emptying their glass to fill you up, resulting in them being half empty. The solution to that is to be filled up so that you compliment your partner and vice versa. 

This concept does not apply to lovers only but can be applied to any type of relationship!

Since we are on this topic of complimenting each other and adding value to one another, I will go there. STOP WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO INVEST IN YOU! If you don’t have the courage to invest in yourself, do you think someone else will do it? Invest in yourself, whether it be a course, developing natural skills, learning something new or earning some cash to inject in a business idea you would like to bring into fruition. There is a magic in making the first move. When you start to help yourself, the creator is going to fill loopholes and sometimes even bless you abundantly. Life will work for you! Life is going to put people, resources or anything in your path that will assist you on your journey (this is a natural law of life). On that journey you might even find the partner who can compliment you and you will compliment them also.

All that was said above is my personal opinion but let us get into some facts. To be fulfilled and have value or add value to others you must be WHOLE. (It is very important to know that you CANNOT add value to everyone since each individual has their own tribe and calling). There are more points than what was written above to becoming a whole person. What I mentioned prior can be placed in categories of social, psychological and professional development. However, these are some other categories that everyone should work on when pursuing your journey to wholeness. Below I am going to put them in categories including the points I wrote before.

• Emotional- Emotional intelligence determines how someone processes what is happening and determines  their reaction to situations.

• Physical- Taking  care of your body via physical exercise and healthy eating. Have you ever noticed when you eat healthy, your body feels better or that when you exercise you get more energy?

• Spiritual- Having a connection to the creator and life around you. This can be done in many ways (yoga, prayer, meditation, etcetera).

• Social- Having healthy interaction with others is important since relationships are needed in family life, business, friendships and even day to day interactions with strangers. Social also includes knowing a time when it is necessary to cut off people.

• Psychological- knowing who you are and accepting your self. The only way someone can change behaviour is by knowing who they are (not the image you wear for the public but really knowing who you are at the core).

• Professional- Finding that activity you were meant to do in life. This leads to happiness while working and financial rewards.

The point I am making boils down to one thing. BE WHOLE! If you are not whole as yet like myself, continue on that journey to wholeness!

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_normal_trini_gyal

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my fanpage @keturahgamba

The Raging Muddy Water Is Needed For Your Soul

If you didn’t know, I am from an amazing valley. The beautiful valley of Maracas, St. Joseph which is nestled in the Northern Range of Trinidad. In any village you will find springs, falls, rivers all through out. What is also amazing is the fact that almost every valley on the northern range is linked to each other by some sort of trail.

It is breath taking when the watercourses are flowing and clean. There is an appreciation of nature and the beauty around. However, there comes a time when the rain falls and when that happens things can get really messy. Raging muddy water flows and can pull anything in its course. Sometimes the rain can be continuous for days but when the sun comes out, the flowing water eventually subsides and then gets cleaner. Prior to the rain when the sun was shining, have you ever noticed how the water starts to gather moss in its channel, it gets shallow and the waterflow slows down. In that period it also serves its purpose of feeding the creatures that live there but the beauty of the environment and water channels deteriorate. Are you seeing where I am going with this? Eventually the rain falls, the water rages and gets all dirty and we wonder why this is happening? This is natural my friends! The raging muddy water is also fulfilling its purpose. Doesn’t something about that whole situation sounds familiar? It is very equivalent to life. Every human on this planet can relate if they listen carefully to what I am saying.

People have this warped thinking that things are suppose to run smoothly but how can there be growth if there are no challenges to ensure character building. The raging muddy waters of life (challenges) are definitely needed. The water eventually gets cleaner and deeper after everything abates. Challenges build character, wisdom, and mental/ emotional strength. Situations and occurrences can be extremely difficult at times but look at it from another perspective, once we prevail and overcome that challenge there will be the sweet taste of victory. In order to have this victory, we must have these qualities inculcated in our psyche: TENACITY….PATIENCE….CREATIVITY….OPTIMISM….MEDITATION/PRAYER… Also building a connection to the force that allows both the sun to shine and the rain to fall (I mean that metaphorically and literally) is neccessary.

I want you to remember that I said before that almost every valley in the Northern Range is linked by some trail. We may enjoy a specific valley now but there will definitely come a time when the rain will fall and the water will get raging and muddy. When we understand the purpose and life lesson of the rain and muddy water in that present valley, the raging waters will then get calm and as a result we can now elevate or move on to another life valley. This is how we evolve/grow and build character.  

Listen to an amazing point! The rain never stopped in the valley you left behind. You grew so much that it doesn't have an effect on you anymore. However, remember you will always have some rain to deal with in the future while going through your various life valleys. All you have to do is keep pushing!

As the name of the blog says, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_normal_trini_gyal

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my fanpage @keturahgamba

Credits: picture taken from shutterstock.com

Is there something call Marital Rape or Rape between cohabitating couples

My major reason for doing this particular blog is premised on a conversation I had with a guy some time aback. Not the entire conversation but a few words registered with me. This is how it went:

Me: “So if your woman does not want to have sex with you what would you do?”

Guy: “ I will take it. I am doing everything in the relationship and she doesn’t want to give me sex! No! I am taking it.”

To be honest, I was totally disgusted by his reply. In addition to that it was a trigger. A trigger reminding me of the few ‘fools’ I have encountered in past relationships. Particularly one situation. I am heterosexual but it is important to note that this can occur in homosexual relationships also. I have personally witnessed this issue with a lesbian couple. They were my neighbors and one of them confided in me. As a result, I would assume that there is the possibility of this same type of abuse happening with two men in a relationship (if i am wrong leave a comment below). After all, we all are humans so it is expected.

Let us delve a bit deeper. Usually when one partner thinks that they have a right to violate the other sexually, that individual has the tendency to be abusive or is a monster manipulator. Answer this question.

Would a non violent person forcefully take sex from you?

When I listened to testimonials of wives being raped and beaten by their partners, they had one thing in common. The male started by being emotionally or verbally abusive. In other cases it started with the emotional or verbal abuse accompanied by a slap occasionally. Then one day the life changing event occurred. The abuser got an excuse to be triggered and then beats and performs various sexual activities without consent. In most cases, the abusee is fearful at the point in time when the violation takes place. As a result, the abusee submits to the rape and pray that they live through that terrifying moment. In most of the marital sexual abuse stories I perused I notice that justice only happened after the nightmare was over because they could not have retaliated at the point in time due to the fact that they were the weaker party. In most cases they are weaker physically and also mentally. Also the abuser usually has some sort of psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies.

After all this is a blog, let me tell you a personal story. I remembered I was in a very unhealthy situation and one night the abuser wanted to regain power so he attacked me and forced his penis into my rectum. Yes, you heard right! That was horrifying! That situation was dealt with but the fact is that I could not have dealt with the situation there and then because I was physically weaker.

So this leads us to some other points! You hear foolish statements like:

1. If he doesn’t beat me, he doesn’t    

        love me (worst one of all the possible  

        reasons)

2. Well, we are married or he is doing  

        everything for me so he have the right for 

        sex

3. Well, the bible says you should not  

        deprive your partner of sex

Firstly, love is not abusive or takes advantage of another. Secondly, a marriage is a relationship that is premised on trust, understanding, respect, compromise and love. Thirdly, the bible do suggest that we not withhold sex from our partner unless you agree to do so but the same bible says that males should love their wives with a self sacrificing love and that wives should respect their husbands. Trust me, self sacrificing love and respect don’t add up to another partner raping and beating the other!

Also, it is UNLAWFUL to forcefully take sex from someone even if you are married or cohabitating. I will say it again. It is unlawful to forcefully take sex (rape) from someone even if you are married or cohabitating!  

The following is an excerpt from https://caribbean.unwomen.org/en/caribbean-gender-portal/caribbean-gbv-law-portal/gbv-country-resources/trinidad-and-tobago

“Previously the law only recognised that sexual intercourse between husband and wife could  be non consensual in very limited circumstances, including where there was a separation  or a decree nisi  was in effect.  The law now fully recognizes rape within marriage and makes no distinction between non consensual sexual intercourse between persons who are married or cohabiting…...”

In essence, take heed to what I am going to say following this sentence. Abuser, you have a problem therefore you should seek help through counselling or seek help in whatever way you can that best suits you. To the abusee, if you are in that situation seek help from both friends and legal advisors. Abusee, if you intend to stay in that situation and you could do better, wake up, seek professional counselling to figure out where the root of the problem lies and burn it straight to the core.

At the end of the day, our journey is to be better people, to be a better version of ourselves today than yesterday. This blog wasn’t to ridicule anyone but for us to be better. As I said in my prior blog, I will say it again, these are just thoughts from a normal trini gyal. I am not a professional but I have lived and gained experience from life. 

#abuse #marraige #commonlaw #sex #rape #powerstruggle #selfworth #growth

Check out on instagram @thoughts_from_a_normal_trini_gyal

@keturahgamba

I am also an artist, be sure to check out my fanpage @keturahgamba